Unfiltered: A Fathers Journey, having a daughter with special needs.

I want to dedicate this blog to my husband, Dustin. Who has been the one to go down this road with me. He has been the one who was always there through it all. The one who held me while I cried, the one who helped me find solutions to issues. The one who has fought to love, protect, defend and stand up for our daughter no matter what. He is a very private person and though he may seem like he has a hard shell on the out side, it is there for a reason. This is his journey of having a daughter with special needs, unfiltered.

You may know him now as the owner of Love Ink Tattoos LLC, a tattoo artist, father, husband. But his journey didn't start out like people may think. When we first found out we were having a baby, we were young and were not quite on our feet yet. Madeline was unexpected and even though we had an apartment and jobs we struggled. We were planning on getting married and buying a house before we had kids. It was extremely stressful knowing we had a baby on the way and by no means felt prepared. We did what we could to get ready for her arrival with what we had at the time, which wasn't much. We had to postpone getting married due to unknown diagnosis at birth.

All we knew was that we were having a little girl. Most fathers know and understand the stresses that comes with having a daughter. Those feelings were amplified by ten when she was given her diagnosis. I know what was going on in my head at the time, and how I felt. But I had never seen such worry and heart ach in a mans face than when I looked at him that day. Being told over and over again that your daughter won't be "normal" " well what is normal anyway?" "he would say. They told us "She won't talk, or run, or play like other children." It was devastating, I remember him asking if he had done something to cause this. Which of course there was nothing we could have done. Doctors explained it happened at conception. She was just born with 3 of the 21st chromosome.

Dustin told me in my heart break, "That God has a plan, and he made us her parents for a reason."

Once she was born they both developed a bond like no other. He was her security blanket, and speaking of blankets, Dustin had bought her a little monkey blanket before she was even born. While we were out shopping for baby things. It had a little brown girl monkey head with a pink bow and the body was a little soft blanket. When Madeline under went her two open heart surgeries and her emergency lung surgery, monkey was always there. By her face, in her arms or supporting her breathing tube. We called her monkey from that point on. One day, during a visit to the hospital which was a weekly thing at this point, monkey got lost and we were so upset that we couldn't find it. Monkey was gone. My heart broke at the fact that being so young she may not remember the special gift daddy had got her.

But looking back many years later, that was not the case her only stimming toy is a long armed, long legged monkey. That she has with her every day, all the time. Dustin always has known what she needed and what she likes even when I didn't. He worked multiple jobs, tattooing, welding, and he even stayed home with her for almost a year while I went to school. He knew we couldn't put her in daycare due to her special needs and wanted to be the one to make sure she was cared for.

He catered to her every need, and was there for every meeting, appointment, therapy session and so on. When Madeline would have anxiety or a melt down, She would stick to him like glue. It took us a while to get her to break that habit because anytime she felt that way Dustin wouldn't even be able to move. I remember when she first started going to pre school, we would go to pick her up and she would just run past me like I was invisible to get to her daddy. It didn't hurt my feelings, it melted my heart knowing they had that relationship. I have heard of parents not wanting there child with special needs when they find out that's there situation. Thinking the child would be a burden. Or how so many people told us "oh your child has DS, well good luck you two wont be together for long" Because special needs kids cause a strain on relationships and marriages.

I'm so thankful that this was not the case and he was the man meant to be her dad. A man who would care for her, love her no matter what and protect her at all cost. Was this an easy road, Absolutely not. We most defiantly had our ups and downs. He had a hard time handling her melt downs, teeth grinding, screaming in the car. The throwing things, lack of eye contact, and not sleeping. We disagreed on how to handle her situations, on what doctors to see, we fussed about how much things costed or who would do what, when and where. Me feeling like I wasn't doing enough, him feeling like he wasn't doing enough. But no matter the anger or hurt feelings we still loved each other at the end of the day because we were both fighting for the same thing...Madeline.

We both worked trying to make ends meat while traveling back and fourth to doctor visits, hospital stays, and therapies. We had a hard time paying the bills and moved around a lot. Then Ellie came along, we did become more stable but it was still hard because now we had two children. Once David made his entrance we knew we had to do something else. We were both unhappy in our jobs, finically, physically and mentally. Something had to change, so we sat down and decided that if our daughter was going to get the care she needed then we were going to have to get it for her. My husband revealed to me that he really wanted to open his own tattoo shop, but he couldn't do it alone. So I thought I would try to help.

I had worked in small businesses before and my dad owned a business when I was little. So we put our heads together and thought can we even do this? What if we fail? Dustin told me that he wanted to make sure Madeline and our other children had what they needed and that we had to do this. We had to take a leap of faith. So we did. We took what little money we had "which wasn't much" and put all our trust in God that he would find us a way.

Love Ink Tattoos LLC was established April 2021. He made the business colors Blue and Yellow, because they are the Down Syndrome awareness colors. We used what God gave us to provide for our family and for Madeline. Each year we donate to the Autism society of NC, The American Heart association and the International Down Syndrome Association. To remind us what we opened our shop for. This was my husbands dedication to his daughter with special needs. He was asked once, "Will she get better or grow out her diagnosis?"

He looked at them and said,

"No.., we only have 46 chromosomes, She was born with 47. She is more of a person than we will ever be."

" Dustin Friend"

Dustin and I were finally married December 17th 2022. All three of our children were in our wedding. Having a special needs child is not the end, it is only the beginning. They are a wonderful blessing in disguise. Things will be hard, but worth it in the end.

In honor of all the fathers who have a child with special needs. You are enough.

If you enjoyed this blog, please stay tuned next week for more posts. Follow us on TikTok @findingthepieces or you can email me @findingthepieces25@gmail.com