Growing Pains: With Special needs.

I use to think that things would get easier. Like getting older and maturity would take over and some how make her not seem as different. Growing older has a new set of challenges that as a mom I seemed to be unprepared for. I remember growing up, excited that my body would change, that some how I would be different, (not a little girl anymore) understanding feminine hygiene, hormones, emotions, and so on. I guess the biggest thing is though, "I knew it was coming." Madeline on the other hand, didn't know, and doesn't understand.

It's hard to watch her body grow faster than her mind. I watched her run back and forth from the kitchen today as if she was starving. The girl ate pancakes, cheese dip ( 4 times ) way to many strawberries, yogurt, chicken nuggets, pizza bites and cookies. Then suddenly I see her setting on the floor. Rocking back and forth like she always does, I say "Hey Maddie, you okay?" She looks up and makes this sad face, saying "I just cry" and starts crying. Then I know, it's about to be the time of the month again.

I can only hold her and tell her that everything will be okay. We didn't get to have any preparation. No girl talk, no explanation, I didn't get to tell her about the birds and the bees. And that boys are yucky, even though we think there cute. I didn't get to take her shopping for bras, pads or tampons. The things that bring mothers and daughters closer. The moment you get to say "Hey, I've been there, I understand." "I know what your going through" I can only show her that I'm there for her whenever she needs me. That's all I can do, and to be honest....that sucks.

There are so many things I want to share with her and tell her. That's probably one of the things that most people don't understand about raising a child with special needs. All the things that happen behind closed doors. The things that people don't get to see. Those are the hard things. You see her with no shoes, flapping hands and rocking back and forth. You see her with her head phones on in the store so she can drown everything else out, you see her and probably think those things are hard.

They can be. But It's harder watching your child grow and have no control over there body. We fight battles that no one else sees. But her perseverance, and strength shows up in everything she does, and I truly believe she is stronger than me.

Thank you

Meagan and Madeline

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