Siblings: Growing up with Down Syndrome and Autism.

I already knew I wanted more than one child. This was the plan, A plan that didn't change after Madeline was born. We knew more than ever she should have siblings in her life. Other kids that would be there for her no matter what. I found out I was pregnant with our second daughter when Madeline was three years old. We named her Ellie Faith.

I was so excited that we were having another girl! I wanted that so badly for Madeline, because growing up I always wanted a sister. I had two younger brother's which was rough at times, but great. They grew up to be amazing young men and I love them with all my heart. But a sister would have been really cool. Knowing that Madeline would get to have a sister brought so much joy to my heart. I could see them in my mind, playing dress up and barbies together. Giggling behind closed doors, slumber parties and doing each others hair or makeup.

Even though Madeline had Down Syndrome she would still be able to do all those things and I reassured myself that it would be fine. Then a year or so after Ellie was born we found out that Madeline also had severe nonverbal Autism. This changed everything, not only would she struggle to communicate with me, but would she ever be able to talk to her sister? Madeline's stimming and melt downs got in the way of them playing together at all.

As Ellie got a couple years older she regressed from Madeline. She would distance her self and act fearful. Which was understandable due to the fact that Madeline would aggressively grab anything out of Ellies hands and throw it or put it in her mouth. She would hit and throw things at her. And I constantly had to protect Ellie from harm, even though Madeline never meant to hurt Ellie in anyway. But Madeline's Autism got in the way of the sisterly love I thought they would share. It would break my heart to hear her scream in fear of her sister or cover her ears when Madeline wouldn't stop grinding her teeth or grunting.

I remember one day Ellie asking over and over for me and daddy to play with her, which I did for a bit, but then had to cook dinner. She asked over and over, my husband said "why don't you play with Madeline?" I will never forget the look on her face when she said " daddy I don't know how..." I looked at my husband and he looked at me with agreement that she was right. Even we didn't know how Madeline liked to play. She loves to just look at everything up close, blocking out surrounding distractions. She rocks back and fourth, flapping her hands and grinding her teeth, she would put things in her mouth or throw it across the room. I hurt for both of them.

I saw the disappointment in Ellies eyes every time She would say anything to Madeline and she would never even look in her direction. I had to tell her, but how do you explain the complex situation of Madeline's diagnosis to a 5 year old little girl? Ellie had passed all of Madeline's milestones in the blink of an eye, and was already able to do and say so much more then her older sister. It was hard to watch at times, Madeline slowly falling behind her and seeming like the younger sister. I didn't want Ellie to carry the weight of being the older sister when she wasn't.

That's when we were blessed with our son, David Christian. What a sweet and handsome little baby he was. Madeline and Ellie love him so much, how could you not. He has a smile that would light up a room. Madeline was much older now and wanted to help with the baby, which was wonderful and scary at the same time. I found her picking him up out of his swing one day and my heart dropped to the floor, I couldn't be upset with her either because she just wanted to hold the baby. So I sat and let her hold him with me while I cried, Because I knew she should be able to pick him up. A typical 8 year old girl would be able to hold a baby, feed a baby or change there diaper.

Ellie was now able to be a big sister and took on the role like a pro. They are two peas in a pod together. David follows her around like a little puppy watching her every move, that's when I saw what Ellie had missed out on. Watching her sister do big girl things and her want to follow. I did set down with Ellie and talked with her and showed her videos of other kids and people with special needs just like Madeline to help her understand what Madeline was going through and to teach her patience and understanding.

"Madeline is not giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time."

" she can see, hear, taste and smell everything that is going on around her...all at once." She moves slower because she has low muscle tone caused by her Down syndrome." And even though she doesn't talk back to you when you speak, doesn't mean she can't hear or understand you." "She does" And all she wants is your love and attention. I explained how Madeline sees the world differently than we do, so she reacts to it differently. For example, Madeline can't wear a coat. She will put one on, but not for long. She can feel herself get warm quickly in the coat. Now to us, that is what we put the coat on for, were cold and want to be warm. So the warmth feels good to us. It doesn't feel good to Madeline, it's uncomfortable to have all this thick puffy fabric swishing around, its heavy and her body temperature is rising and she doesn't like the way it feels.

There were times I didn't feel like she heard anything I said until one day I couldn't get Madeline to walk through the store. She would always set in the middle of the isle and not want to move, moving her would cause a melt down. Ellie looked at me and said " I got this mom" and reaches out her hand and says "come on Maddie!" Madeline looks up and takes her hand. I was so blown away by my daughters grace and confidence. I knew in that moment God had built her to be Madeline's sister.

She is almost 8 now and Madeline is 11. She has learned sign language to help be able to speak to Madeline and she teaches her little brother to. She just recently painted Madeline's finger nails for the first time, and got Madeline to let her brush her hair. So I tell you today that there is a light at the end of your tunnel. I worried that they wouldn't have a relationship at all. I was so wrong, they have a bond that is stronger than I could have ever imaged. It just took a little longer. I asked Ellie the other day, "Is it hard having a sister that has a difficult time communicating with you?" She said " Yes, but I just have to figure out what she needs or wants to say." So there you have it, It's all about Finding The Pieces.

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Thank you for reading.

Meagan and Madeline Friend.