A Christmas Gift.

Becoming a mother.

Becoming a mother was one of my biggest dreams. Even at a very early age I would imagine being a mother and how exciting and wonderful it would be. I wanted a little girl, more than anything. She would be mine and I could hold her all day, feed her, change her clothes, and as she got older we could do so many things together! We could go shopping, get our nails and hair done, play with dolls, have tea parties, and dress up! She would want me to do her make up and we could talk about boys. I imagined singing with her in the car to our favorite songs just like my mom did with me.

Everyone told me when I was pregnant for the first time that they knew the baby was a boy. I would have been totally fine with that. I grew up with two brothers, so I could handle a little man. But deep down I wanted a girl. A little mini me. We went to our ultra sound where they were going to tell us if the baby was a girl, or a boy. I couldn't even sleep the night before because I was so excited! They told us the due date would be Dec. 29th 2011

The ultra sound went smoothly, everything was good and the baby was healthy. The Doctor asked if we wanted to know the gender, and of course we did! Its a GIRL!! My heart was over joyed! the rest of the coming months came with decorating the nursery and buying pink everything! All the moms out there with little girls know this feeling.

By Christmas Eve we were on our way to dinner at my mothers house. I sat down with my grandma and she just gave me this look, and said "Your going to have that baby tonight" I told her "there's no way the doctors said she might come before the New Year."

We all finished dinner and I ate way to many pieces of red velvet cake for human consumption. Either way it was delicious and we headed home for the night. No sooner than we got settled down did I get the strangest feeling. This pain kept coming and I couldn't set down, I called my mom and told her I was very uncomfortable and "well, she said, looks like that baby is coming tonight" call me when you head over to the hospital. Well I waited for a while to make sure the contractions were not going to stop because my husband had broke his foot the week before and was in a cast. I didn't want to drag him to the hospital for a false alarm.

After a while I knew it was time and so we got everything together and headed for the hospital. We were on our way to meet our baby. I had waited my whole life for this day. My poor husband had to be wheelchaired to labor and delivery with me, which the nursing staff thought was hilarious. If you know my husband then you know he was cracking jokes the whole time, trying to keep me calm and smiling. even though I knew he was in pain to.

Everything went as planned, I went into labor at 2:22pm Christmas Day and gave birth to a beautiful 6.2 pound baby girl.

We named her Madeline Grace, and this is where our story really begins.

I held her in my arms as we cried tears of joy, just at the sight of her sweet face. Our family and friends came to see and hold her. It was an amazing moment until I noticed something. She started to push her tongue out of her mouth. Everyone giggled "look! she is sticking her tongue out, how cute!" I smiled and watched her, I looked a my mom "who is a nurse" and I whispered, "why is she doing that?" my mom didn't really say anything, just "I don't know."

We had to send her to the nursery to be cleaned up and checked out then they would bring her back to me. My family left to go get lunch and my dad stayed with me while I rested. He let me look at the pictures that he took of everyone holding her and my stomach dropped. I could see it, I don't know why I couldn't when she was in my arms, but there it was. My mind said "she looks like she has Down Syndrome" and then my heart said "nope!" and I turned the camera off.

I woke up to multiple Doctors entering the room.

They sat down in front of me, my dad beside me. "We have somethings we need to inform you of, they said." " We believe your daughter has features of a syndrome." I knew what they were about to say, but I wanted to hear them say it. So I said, " What Syndrome?" "Down Syndrome" They go on to explain her eyes are almond shaped and her ears are small and low, her toes have a gap and she has a single palm crease. But there biggest concern was that she also has a heart defect. The AV canal heart defect, one that is common in about 50% of babies born with Down Syndrome. She was in the NICU and I could go see her when I was ready.

I had not even fully got to know my own daughter yet. I had only got to hold her one time. I broke down completely and cried out why, why my baby? my daughter? Why God!?Why!? My dad just held me in his arms. My heart had never physically hurt like that before. I couldn't breath, the world just stood still. It felt as if they told me my baby died. Which sounds dramatic when you say it out loud. I just have no other way to describe it. I was scared for her in everyway. What would her life be like? would she be able to do any of the things other children do?

Because I was meant to be her mother.

I was told it would be okay, my family told me that we would love her no matter what.

That was not the issue, I loved her before she even came into the world. I was upset because even though I had never been a mother before I was one now, it hit me quick and I had no time to react. I hurt and mourned for the daughter that I thought I was going to have. I knew immediately that this was not going to be an easy road, not just for me, but for her. I saw her laying on the little bed covered in cords and wires. So tiny and fragile. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. I was going to do whatever it took to fight for her. She was my baby, she was amazing and perfect in every way.

I could barely walk after just giving birth, but every two hours I practically crawled my way to the NICU to feed and change her. the nurses would get frustrated with me because I should be resting and they could feed Madeline. But I knew that if I was going to be able to take her home and her be able to come off the heart monitors and oxygen then I needed to be there every second I could. After ten days in the NICU she was able to come home. We saw how incredible she was, she did all the little things new born babies do. We got to enjoy having our baby for a little while until we had to schedule the open heart surgery.

If you have enjoyed reading this section of my Blog then please stay tuned for the following piece to this story. I will post weekly. Thank you for reading. If you have questions regarding a child with DS, are looking for advice, or have a story to share. Please email me at findingthepieces25@gmail.com

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